she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
