Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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