Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
