I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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