Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
