Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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