your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
