im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
