Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
