The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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