I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
