clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
