I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
