so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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