shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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