god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
