So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
