You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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