Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
