woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
