He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
