there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
