i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
