We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
