Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
