were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
