It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
