i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
