i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
