she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vodka?
Forever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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