I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
