My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
