I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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