At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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