I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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