Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
