i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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