mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
