There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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