she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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