I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.