Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece