Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.