I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.