Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
