i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
