Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
