I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
