garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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