New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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