Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
