It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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