You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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