I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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