She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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