If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
