so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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