Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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