There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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