i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
