This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
