There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
