Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
