she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
