she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
