dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
