i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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