HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
