Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
