I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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